Relationships · Revenge Porn · Sex

Should You Refrain From Sending Nudes Because of Revenge Porn?

We live in an era where we relate to each other more online than in person. It should come as no surprise that in romantic relationships, many people like to keep the spark alive by sending sexual photos or sexts to one another. Most of us have received dick pics or sexy nudes from someone we are seeing, but when does the trail lead to revenge porn?

This can be defined as sharing sexually explicit images or videos, usually by a former partner with the intent of inflicting embarrassment or emotional damage on the subject of the content. Don’t get me wrong – this is more than letting your friends see his dick pics. We’re talking about posting naked photos on the internet, and it’s becoming more popular. Revenge porn is now illegal in many places including the UK and most states in the US. Most videos or images are sent or created willingly, which suggests that between the sender and the recipient, there was an initial level of trust. Typically, it’s only after the relationship has ended that pictures are released.

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In all honesty, I wanted to write about this topic after viewing the public reaction to Blac Chyna’s leaked video with the rapper, Mechie. The video shows Chyna performing oral sex on what is thought to be the up and coming rapper. Although this is nothing new, sex scandal within celebrity culture; I believe that this could have been a teachable moment in how we handle cases like this in the media. The following comments echo the sentiment of most remarks related to the topic:

“I feel sorry for her.. she just out here looking like a whole fool”

“She probably leaked it but was mad when it didn’t get the attention she thought it would get lol”

“honestly feel bad because she has kids and one day they’re gonna see this it’s embarrassing… can’t sue nobody when you knew sis”

 “first of all she knew she was being recorded it’s not like she was turned over on her stomach and he just pulled the phone out. no it’s more videos she wanted him to record it basically bc she was entertaining the camera the ENTIRE TIME 💀 so i’m not hearing it she’s messy and she should’ve known this could happen anyways so 🤷🏾‍♀️ it’s nobody fault but hers anyways she’ll be ight”

I think we can all agree that the topic of revenge porn is a controversial one. My issue lies with the blame culture that seems to be focusing on the usually female victims of this petty and disgusting act. In this case, I believe that Chyna’s “easy” reputation has befallen her and affected the way that many people would view this particular situation. If it were a more seemingly innocent celebrity for example, the outrage would have been centred on the releasor of the content. What are we teaching young men and women? That if a girl has had multiple sexual partners, she deserves to be abused and shamed? My opinion? A personal selfie or video is made out of trust and that needs to be respected. There is NO good reason or justification for promoting such images. Revenge porn can result in bullying, exile, embarrassment, shame and self-loathing – just to name a few. Imagine if it were you.

Should you hold back from sending nudes?

On one hand, we should all be free to send those fire nudes to the person you’re seeing. You should be able to record yourself having intercourse with your partner if that’s what you like. But these things are often done in the moment, and even though my advice would be to only do so if you are 100% sure on the trust you have in your partner, things can always turn sour. There’s a million reasons for a relationship to end with bad blood, and I’m one of the people who would fantasise about the vengeance I would get on an ex if given the chance. This usually consists of me daydreaming about singing a ballad onstage, with them in the audience (don’t ask). But to go that extra step and actually do it? That’s what separates these perpetrators from everyone else. My advice if you are thinking of sharing these images? SUCCESS is the best revenge, I know it sounds cliché, but it works every time. You will just end up looking like a bitter and twisted chump anyway.

What to do if you are a victim of revenge porn?

If you’re unlucky enough to have this happen to you, first of all, I really feel for you. I really do. But the best form of action is to take action and report, report, report. First of all, you want to keep a log of everything. All images posted, what sites they were posted on, even the comments could potentially help you out in a legal battle so get screenshotting. You can have images taken down on most social media channels, this should be your next step. During my research for this post, I also found out that sites like Pornhub and Xvideos are responsive in taking down videos, however you may need assistance from the police or the Revenge Porn Helpline (03456000459, UK). Keep loyal friends and family around you – no doubt you will be in distress but the last thing you need to do is over think. This is where your support system will come in handy. If you need to take some time out and leave the area you live, do that. If you feel you need to keep busy to occupy your mind, do that. If you decide to contact authorities (which I would advise) do so when you feel ready. Be patient and remember that this too shall pass, with time.

In an ideal world, we could send a nude to our boy/girlfriend without worrying about the repercussions if the relationship breaks down. However, in reality it seems to be way too difficult for some to keep images to themselves. Let’s face it, it’s a pretty fucked up payback. Think of the victim, who may have family witnessing their naked self slapped all over the internet. Although all major social networking sites are pretty effective in removing images, it only takes one post for the image to be shared around. In the case of Blac Chyna, who reportedly had the assistance of the FBI to help her wipe the video from Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, the video is probably still floating around. The average person does not have the luxury of the FBI helping them through this situation. Rightfully so, Chyna is taking legal action, but no amount of money or jail time can save a reputation and defamation of character; as was proved with her last escapade with Rob Kardashian. So, I will leave the decision to you. But if you do so and the relationship runs its course, asking politely to remove all images of yourself should not go amiss.

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